Part 10: The Last CO Visit & Demise of Elder A.

 

by Jay Walter

 

The phone rings – It’s Elder A:  “Brother Jay, the CO is visiting, and will be out on shepherding calls.  We have selected you and your family to enjoy this special Privilege!” he continued, “The CO and I will be over Wednesday evening at 7:00PM to visit with you and your family.”  What?  I said that we had plans and could not accommodate the CO or Elder visit to our home.  I declined respectfully, and asked that they allow another family the privilege.

 

“Brother Jay, this is a privilege from Jehovah’s Organization, and you need to reschedule your plans to enjoy this fine provision from the Faithful Slave.” ... “Thanks Elder A, but we do need to decline as it is too late to change plans.  We can receive his visit next time.” ... “Brother Jay, you seem to not understand, this is important, and the decision has been made to visit your home.  What plans did your family have that they could not change?” ... “Hold on a minute Elder A, and I will talk with the family.”

 

I walked into the kitchen and asked everyone if they wanted to share in the CO and Elder A visiting on Wednesday.  There were no takers.  They reminded me of our family plans, and I agreed.  I got back on the phone with Elder A and told him that the family isn’t canceling the plans, and that he will just have to schedule another family.  Elder A was not happy. I said that I am sorry, but that is the way it will have to be, and politely ended the discussion.

 

The phone rings again about 30 minutes later:  “Brother Jay, Elder A here again.  We have discussed the matter and I am advising you that you WILL have a Shepherding visit with your family by the CO and another Elder, likely the PO.  There is something about the phrase, “You WILL” that sends chills up my spine.  It was like shades of the days when my Dad was still in the Air Force and how he treated our family.  It had a militaristic sound ... and given that I am capable of being a strong willed person myself, I responded by saying:  “No, we WILL not be having any Shepherding visit Wednesday.  It is NOT out of disrespect or lack of appreciation, but we simply have other plans, and WILL not be available.  Therefore, you WILL inform the PO and CO and any other Elder NOT to be at our home Wednesday night, because they WILL be turned away if we are here.” ... There was silence.  Then he said, “All right, have it your way and he hung up.  At last, I took a firm stand, and I didn’t care that much what it might result in.

 

”Dad, there is a car coming up the driveway.  It looks like the PO’s car.  My head spun around in circles ... there were no words to describe the boiling rage ... Elder A had done it again ... forced this on me.  “This is going to end, here and NOW” ... I said to myself.  I got on my slipper shoes real fast, and walked out the front door before the PO could get all the way up my driveway.  We lived on large property, and our driveway was about 1/10th of a mile long.  So, this often gave us time to decide what to do.  The family would stay inside while I duked it out in the driveway with the PO.

 

As I approached the car I could see the PO and CO inside.  So they stopped, turned off the engine, and rolled down the window.  I walked up to the PO and stated that I did not expect them.  They said that Elder A told them that he had called and made arrangements with me.  I told them that I had instructed Elder A on no uncertain terms that we would not participate in the visit.  They asked why, and I said there are a number of reasons and issues, and some of them involve Elder A.  They asked if I would at least sit in the car with them and talk it out.  Okay, I agreed, and got in the car.

 

The CO asked me what the problem was:  I started off with the Home Schooling issue and completed the story with Elder A up to the moment he called me, and then moved into a few other items regarding Elder A that other JWs mentioned, and how this was affecting the congregation.  I started to get into Crisis of Conscience & In Search of Christian Freedom and so forth when the CO interrupted me.  He kindly said that he could see the validity of my concerns and encouraged me to meet with Elder A and the PO on the basis of Matt: 18.  The CO seemed to understand and accept my angst, and said that if he were me that he would stay away too.  What, pinch me, I must be dreaming.

 

I was so focused on Elder A, that I did not take the opportunity to continue on.  As I saw my time fleeting away, I realized that it was wise that I bite my tongue.  We had a Wedding coming up at the Kingdom Hall, and I did not want to be left out because of a moment of pushing and indiscretion.  While the Exit plan was taking place close to schedule and within strategic bounds, there were still a few loose ends, and the Wedding was THE biggest.  Too important to spoil over this.

 

In the meantime, the PO and CO together endorsed my taking the time away from meetings to reflect and that they would not worry.  I talked about the gossip and told the PO how his wife and their Service Group were saying unfair things about me starting at the Convention.  He said that he knew of her problem with this, and he would talk with her.  The CO said that he would like to see me at the Sunday meeting if I felt I could do that, but if I didn’t, he would understand.  I was dreaming ... this was way too nice ... too perfect ... when a JW man like me has become strongly adamant, and not attending meetings, and then bitching about an Elder, the focus should have been on me ... to get me to see the light, to cause me to see the error of my ways, and return to Meetings and Service to establish a healthy track record.  But no, this was different.  Nevertheless, I decided to ride the wave, and agreed to a Matthew 18 approach to Elder A.

 

Sunday Meeting and the CO:  I got to the meeting in time to briefly meet the PO and set a time with Elder A.  We would meet later in the week, in the evening, and discuss matters.  Elder A asked what it was about.  I stated that “This was not the proper Context to discuss the matter, and that it would have to wait until our meeting.”  Yes, I used Elder A’s words on him.  I wanted to keep him guessing, wondering, and hopefully sweating a little.  He pressed me some more ... so, I dropped a little morsel in full-fledge JW style ... “I met with the CO and PO and your name came up Elder A, so it was directed by the CO that a meeting should be held with you.” ... Elder A stared ... and for the first time ever I saw his Adams Apple do a flip ... and he excused himself.

 

After the meeting, I asked to meet with the PO and CO in the “Back Room” ... this was done in full view and earshot of Elder A.  I cryptically mentioned that I needed to speak with them for a few minutes before the CO meets with the Elders to discuss the recent situation regarding Elder A.  They agreed and we walked to the “back Room.”

 

NOTE: For non-JWs reading this, I need to explain the importance of JW politics here.  The “Back Room” is often a library or a large room used for the Second Ministry School.  It is routinely used for Elder’s meetings, Judicial Committee meetings, private counseling, and other “matters” of confidential importance to JW Elders.  When a typical JW sees Elders head into the “Back Room”, there is always a certain curiosity, and even embellished speculation about what might be taking place.  The “Back Room” is about the most subtle but powerful display of JW Politics ... and even Elders are concerned, or even worried, when they are not privy to what goes on.  They will watch, and then inquire for information.  If they are told about the general nature, they can feel relieved, but when an Elder knows it IS about him, and he is not going to know the nature right away, it can cause him to break out into sweats.

 

Was I seeking Power and Revenge with this tactic?  Not power, for you will see how this could not be my motive.  Was it then at least revenge?  Absolutely, without question, doubt, or fear.  I make no apologies for it then or now.  Elder A needed a spanking, to have his gonads clipped ... at least a little trim, and this was the only opportunity that would present itself, and being human, I was not about to pass it up.  Were I to do it over again, I would do the same thing, and maybe even more.

 

I understand that God reserves vengeance for himself.  I also believe that as a matter of a contradiction in Christian Theology, we often submit to discipline and punishment from those in authority, but we feel guilty when we mete out discipline to others, simply because we do not claim some religious authority as individuals.  Either God holds all rights to carry our vengeance, or he delegates some.  I am of the opinion that he delegates, and this was my moment of God delegating to me and through me.

 

The Back Room – Round One:  Our Library doubled as a Second School and a room where parents could take their crying babies and fussy children during the meeting.  So, it not only was sound proof to outsiders, but had a large heavy glass window so that anyone in the room could see the platform.  It had curtains to draw for certain private meetings.  I made sure to be the first in the Back Room so I could open the curtains.  Someone had closed them after the meeting.  I then told the PO that this way the other Elders will see we are having a separate meeting and will not walk in thinking it is time for the general Elder’s meeting with the CO.  He agreed.  I opened the curtains ... and saw Elder A at a distance.  I glanced long enough to make sure he saw us.

 

I sit with the PO and CO and we briefly discuss Elder A and I assured him that we were following his instruction by setting up a Matt. 18 meeting later in the week with Elder A.  Then, I said that I had something else to discuss, and mentioned my previous Resignation at the end of April.  I said that I still wanted the Resignation to be accepted, and handed the CO a new letter I typed up that morning before the meeting.  They still did not want to accept it, but I insisted.  So the PO said that he would hang on to it and talk to me later.  The CO said that he had already prepared his recommendations to the Society, so it may be a while before my Resignation is sent in. I agreed.

 

This meeting was fairly short and friendly.  But it lasted long enough for Elder A to see that it had some substance ... and he knew that something was said about him.  When we left the room, Elder A walked up and asked what our meeting was about.  I said it was really confidential.  He asked if we discussed him.  He suspected this because of the earlier comments I made and the meeting we had scheduled with him during the week.  As the PO and CO stood by, I spoke up a little and told Elder A that the nature of our meeting was confidential, but that he would learn more when we met with him later on.  Elder A looked troubled, but caved in and did not push me for information.  I stood by a while to see if he was going to talk to the PO or CO to pump them for information.  He did not.  Since I had just resigned, and I had not been attending meetings or Field Service, I said my good-byes and left.  The Elders then held their meting with the CO.

 

The Back Room – Round Two:  I spent time preparing for this meeting, for it had to be done right.  It had to be my best – perhaps even a level of performance with a little theatrics.  Just enough to drive home the point and make my case.  I had never been in this type of situation of going after another Elder, so it was also uncharted waters.

 

We were in the “Back Room” of the Kingdom Hall, in the evening, with no meeting or other JWs around.  I wore my suit as this is an important symbolic gesture among JWs, especially Elders to lend formality and credibility to the seriousness of the situation.  After a brief level of minor chit chat, the PO opened with prayer, and the game is now afoot.

 

The Opening Slavo:  “Elder A, a serious situation has come to our attention involving you that the CO directed we meet with you.  If you will, we first need to cover the qualifications of an Elder from the Organization Book.”  I had Elder A’s attention.  I knew exactly what he would feel, for the style of my presentation was geared as though to suggest his position as an Elder was at risk.  The PO smiled and just listened.  Whether the PO thought about what I was doing, or whether he approved, I have no way of knowing.  But the fact that he sat back and listened and let me proceed was all I needed.

 

Evidently, nothing was said by the CO or PO about my latest Letter of Resignation.  SO as far as Elder A was concerned I was sitting before him with the PO to discuss his future as an Elder.  As we discussed the qualifications – and believe me I drug this out as much as possible – I sought to gain the right effect.  His jaw was elongated and I saw a hint of quivering. If there was ever a moment of “power” as a JW, this was the only time I saw it and felt it – and it was the only time I ever played on it.

 

We then discussed the points about not “Lording over” the congregation, and how an Elder must be a place of refuge and a shield from the harsh conditions of this life, and not someone to fear or resent or hide from.  No, he was to be an inviting place to those who are crying and signing and hurting.  Elder A listened, but then asked how this pertains to him.  I told him I was getting to the point, but wanted to first reference the Bible and the direction from the Faithful Slave ... words I knew that he could not fight about, but words that that he would be forced to accept and understand the depth of the implication.

 

The Second Salvo:  “Elder A, it has become known in the congregation that you have a problem.”  I gave a long pause to study his reaction.  If he had any secret faults or was doing anything of a DF nature, then this might be the moment he would break down and confess.  But, he held firm, and I believe that it was because there was no real DF issue, or at least he was as good or better performer then me.

 

“Elder A, you lord it over your fellow brothers and sisters.  So much so that some have complained to me and the PO has acknowledged receiving similar complaints.  The PO made a brief confirmation, and then nodded for me to continue.  I then cited the names and specific issues that several families had with Elder A.  I then recited my own grievances with him ... The Home Schooling issue, the Memorial Saga and his usurpation of the PO’s assignment of the arrangements, and desire to resist the initial unanimous vote of the Body of Elders.  I concluded with what happened during the CO visit and the Shepherding call on me ... and how this led to the CO and PO requested that a meeting with Elder A be held.  Elder A was stunned ... but other than some visible level of being hurt, he held on ... and then as he started to defend himself, I cut in and said that there is more ...

 

The Final Salvo:  I pulled out some Watchtower Bound Volumes that were obviously marked.  Elder A just sat back in amazement that another round was coming.  I went over in detail with some points of the bound volumes and how the congregation is to be treated, how our consciences are to be respected, etc.  Then I jumped back to the Organization Book regarding qualifications of Elders.  Pages 30 – 38 of the 1983 edition of the OR book was where we spent our time ... Elders are not to be belligerent, but be reasonable, not opinionated – or be overly demanding of others – such as the time during Kingdom Hall repairs running it like a “worldly” job boss and how he was harsh on a brother who was seeking counsel for a serious personal problem.  AND, that he must be irreprehensible! – not under any charge of improper conduct.  Elder A just glared at me in disbelief as he knew full well what was going down next.

 

The Car Deal!  I had purchased a car from Elder A sometime earlier.  We had agreed on $1,500 because it was old and needed some work ... but I asked for full disclosure of the serious problems so I could determine what to offer and whether it was worth repairing plus the $1,500 he was asking for it.  He had said aside from the loose door that it was in fine condition.  I then showed him the repair bills that proved it was a pile of junk.  I displayed the written agreement and my three canceled checks of $500.00, paid on time except that the last one was two days late because I was paying for repair bills.

 

I told him he was a con-artist.  That the car was not worth $1,500.  Yes, I stuck to the agreement and paid it as agreed, but he hounded me for a week about the final installment before it was due, yet his failure to disclose the serious problems as requested cost me several hundred more.  Even the world requires proper disclosure.  I would expect more form a JW, even more form one who is an Elder, and I would expect that his concern for truth and honesty would exceed his desire for gain.  No, the $1,500 was not all that much, and I was prepared for some problems ... but the whole incident smacked of being cheated ... and he was worse than a Bank Creditor simply because I needed an additional week to pay the final installment because of the repair bills.  I concluded with some scriptures and made my final pitch that he consider stepping down for a while so he can get a new perspective on what it means to be an Elder.

 

I was hoping that I had presented enough that the PO would see how much Elder A was a problem in addition to what he already knew ... and then would consider removing this guy ... at least for a while ... and give the congregation a break.

 

Elder A now responds:  He did not express what the JW system would call “repentance.”  He instead thanked me for bringing these issues up and he would “consider” them and see what he needs to work on.  He at first said that he didn’t realize how much he was affecting people, but then admitted that he was aware of some comments. ... Then he popped up his head and said that for a while there he was worried he was going to be removed as an Elder, but was glad that it was just a Matt. 18 discussion.  I was puzzled by the priority of his concern, and was stunned into silence for a moment ... then as I was about to get into it with him ...

 

The PO Speaks up:  He thanks me for the kind but straightforward way I counseled Elder A, and all the work I put in it being thorough.  He then looks at Elder A and says that Elder A cannot continue on upsetting the brothers and sisters as this will discourage them from being part of the organization, and he said it was clearly already having an affect on me.  He asked Elder A what he planned to do to correct the situation.

 

Elder A replies:  “I will certainly give a lot of ‘thought’ to this, and will try to improve.  I am really sorry I have upset people, as I don’t want to do that.”  He then extended his hand to me and asked me to accept his apology, no hard feelings type of gesture ... I shook his hand, and said that I hoped he will really take it to heart and back off from the friends ... and I let it go.

 

The Demise:  All at least seemed well.  Elder A appeared contained for the moment, perhaps for good I hoped.  I felt a sense of relief that this was one more loose end tied up.  While Elder A was contained for sometime, he eventually emerges one last time to make trouble, specifically expanded beyond me to include my whole family.  This will be related later on.  But, in the end, after the dates covered by this Series, I learned that Elder A quit his good position so he could sell Vitamins through a Network Market Scheme.  I do not know exactly his reasons for doing this, though such attempts to earn a lot with a low time investment has been popular among many JWs over the years – ostensibly so they could afford to Regular Pioneer, or move where the Need if Greater.  Eventually, Elder A is removed as an Elder, and I have not heard of him since.  I have no way of knowing whether my encounter with Elder A had anything to do with his eventual removal.

 

In the short term, it was my only real opportunity to state my case within the JW context, and not be viewed as having a Bad Attitude or bringing my own reputation into question.  Nevertheless, it was still just a band-aid on more systemic problem, and I only treated one symptom for very temporary relief.

 

Now that Elder A was behind me, all that remained was the “Wedding” of my daughter, and then the process will be over ... it will be nice to finally move on into the Void ... or so I wanted to believe ... what lay ahead was going to be the beginning of my own Demise and lead to events that allowed the Tribal to get even with me. ... next stop, Part 11: The Amalgamated Wedding ...