Part 12: October Surprise II – The Sequel!

 

by Jay Walter

 

October 1 – A New Day:  Looking back on the first parts to this series, one who is an ex-JW can perhaps appreciate these events as no other person.  What may be a little different is how an exit can, for some, such as in my own situation, drag on and on with new difficulties, bizarre twists, and unexpected players on the field.  Yet, there are many more ex-JWs whose experiences are even more challenging and sometimes approach the macabre.  One such “extreme” example is the book, "Wolves Among Sheep" by James Kostelniuk

 

Beards:  It is no secret that JWs, at least in the USA, would be frowned upon by the Society were they to sport a beard.  Beside the full body of written Theocratic Code of Regulations contained in 40 or 50 years worth of Watchtower Bound Volumes, representing about 30,000 to 40,000 pages, there is also a Body of Unwritten Litigation and Law -BULL- among JWs.

 

The first time I grew a mustache in the 1970s while I was a Ministerial Servant, I found myself in front of two Elders being counseled.  Did they cite a publication that prohibited Mustaches?  No, instead they point to drawings in the Watchtower magazines (before the WTS used much in the way of photographs) depicting men that are clean-shaven, meaning no beards or mustaches.  These were cited as our “Cue” on how we as Jehovah’s representatives, his Ministers, must appear to the public.

 

These standards were left over from the Hippie days in the 1960s.  No self-respecting JW would want to look like a Hippie at the door.  Now, though, I was free of any religious rules and regulations.  My face showed its first shadow of my “coming out” of the JWs -–a full beard was in the making.

 

Brother Jay, what is that on your face?  Yes, Elder E, my JW co-worker stopped by my desk and observed this deviation from the ‘B.U.L.L’ face standards for JW men.  We joked about it, but I could see that his alarm bells were going off – a sure sign that something must be wrong with me.  I was nervous, and I had not thought much about his reaction until he saw me.  Then the light dawned on me ... I was not really free yet, because this adjustment in grooming is a sure sign that I need to be monitored – and with that there is an uncertainty that I can successfully fade into the Void.  How long must one stay totally in “neutral” before freedom can be enjoyed?

 

A few days pass, and Elder E notices that the “beard” is still there and growing, so he sits to discuss his “concerns.”  Such “Concerns” are JW lingo to describe the now expected ‘loving counsel’ about to be showered over the errant one, to readjust the thinking of those who are falling into immaturity.  My excuse was that I am getting into my mid-40s, and I want to know what a beard is like before I am gray ... and given that I have no congregational responsibility, why this seems as good a time as any.  Elder E and I were close enough friends by now, that he somewhat accepted my story, but he still expected this to be a short-term deal.

 

Foot-in-Mouth Disease:  For a man who wants to fade away into the Void, I had a funny way of “sabotaging” my own mission.  Why?  “I don’t know.  I can’t think!  Don’t ask me!”  These were words my kids often used when they were being interrogated for some household indiscretion.  Now it is my turn to draw a blank about my own inconsistent plans.  Yes, my own immature response ...

 

Elder E walks in to visit again, and jokes about the condition of my Wolf-man Face.  Oh, my scalp hair is also growing a tad beyond acceptable JW norms.  He sees me reading the 1943 Watchtower bound volume.  He inquires why I would be looking at such old information.  I told him that I had done some research, and went to this article in July 1943, pg. 204-206 about the Society’s claim of Inspiration!  What?  Why did I say that?

 

Elder E perks up, and asks to see the article.  He sits on the visitor chair in my office, and reads the whole article.  I ask what he thinks.  He says that he could see how ‘Apostates’ would make good use of this article to hammer the WTS.  I said that it disturbed me to see the WTS actually published this, when nowadays they deny ever saying such things.  He agreed, but tried to defend the article by citing War-time excitement in the early 1940s.  He felt that maybe the WTS writers were just overzealous as they had done prior to 1914.  I took exception, and started hammering the issues – Both FEET in mouth ...

 

“You sound Apostate! Brother Jay!”  Oh really?  Elder E did not like what he was hearing and the accusation of Apostasy was a “quick-fix word” to cope with the debate – the ‘character attack when the arguments will not work’ is a true JW style.  I spent about 30 minutes trying to reason with Elder E.  He finally argued that ‘Apostates’ are proud and arrogant and seek their own followers, and many other standard Party-Line statements.  WOW!  Was I now in deep doo-doo, or what?

 

I ended it by saying that were I proud, sneaky, evil, seeking prominence and position and peer admiration, I would have remained in a responsible position and continue to work my way up the organization.  No, I argued, it is easy to hammer a guy when he is just an average ‘rank and file JW.’  What about simple honesty and concern for truth?  I was borrowing phrases from Ray Franz’s book.

 

Strange Result:  Elder E stepped back and thought for a minute.  Smiled, and said that he knew I was right.  He said that I needed to be careful about what I say and to whom, because there are “Elders out there” who will turn me in and paint me up as apostate.  What did he say?  I asked what he was going to do.  He said that he has his own concerns, but that in this organization you have to “watch your step or you will get the ax.”  He said that he wanted to talk more, and that he did not plan on saying anything to anyone about me.  He warned of other JWs at the plant who might not be as friendly.

 

WOW!  Either I was being set-up, or Elder E and I might just be on the same page!  But why did he argue that I sounded ‘Apostate’ and then turn it around?  I felt funny vibrations going up and down my spine.  Was he “Baiting’ me?  Another unpublish “B.U.L.L.” is that when an Elder suspects a JW of being “Apostate’ he is encouraged to get chummy and pump the “suspect” for information.  Did I just now get set-up for a fall?

 

As it turned out, Elder E proved to be a friend and is among those I would consider a JW Elder seeking reform.  He and I actually have talked since my final “Disassociation” and he seems true and blue.  So, this event became another  “loose end” that I had not factored in, but as it was turning out, it was now another closed loop ... and I could breath easier – as long as I stayed away from the rest of the complex.  Eventually Elder E and I joined together at the company Christmas Party, ate Christmas Cake, and allowed ourselves to be photographed together next to a cardboard statue of Santa Clause!  Wonder of wonders ... he invited me to go to have Christmas cake ... and told me not worry when I gave him that “High Voltage Elder-like Stare.”  God is Good!  Go God Go!  I owe you yet again!  And thanks for the cake too!

 

The Invitation and the Surprise!:  Now enters a Christian woman who makes her routine invitation for me to join in on the lunch time Bible reading, discussion, and prayer session.  What the hell!  Why not?!  Go for it!  So this time I agree. Her mouth drops, literally, as she was very expressive and lovely.  She said that she was very surprised!  I said that I felt I had put them off long enough, and maybe it was now time to pay a visit.  She was really happy and gave me a hug ...

 

The Bible Discussion:  Lunch time is here.  The corner conference room they used had large windows around two sides.  The curtains were drawn.  I walk in and sit down.  New World Bible in hand – Large Print study copy, with all my notes, underlines, red marks, and yellow-highlights, with a few pages slipping out to prove I read and studied it a lot.  Many more arrive and the door closes.  Introductions are made around the room ... I was not the only new person there.

 

The women who invited me says an opening prayer.  Cool ... equal rights here!  She opens the meeting and takes the lead.  Cool ... my ex-JW sensibilities can handle this.  She asks the other new visitors to introduce themselves, and they say their name, and church affiliation, etc.  In the room were Baptist, Presbyterian, Methodists, Assembly of God, Pentecostal, Lutheran, and a few others.

 

“Jay, tell us about yourself!”  Sure – hey anyone that knows me, knows I like to talk.  Okay, I’m not perfect.  I take about 3 or 4 minutes to tell my story of being raised Catholic, my journey through the JWs, and my recent Exit process still in progress ... and I ask for “confidentiality” because I am still “Officially” a JW, and don’t want to be DF’d for Interfaith association.  I look around.  Faces stunned!  Earlier in this Series, during the first October Surprise account, I noted that this group would prove to be significant.  Now, I was about to find out.

 

“Jay, do you know what you just said?  Do you understand what you have just done here?”  I asked myself, “Oh God, are these people all “JW undercover operatives?”  And they just tricked me?”  Even at this stage of the Exit, there was a little “paranoia” running through my veins.  “No, what did I do?  I hope I didn’t offend anyone?”

 

She began to unfold the saga.  “You need to understand our shear surprise and delight ...” I felt relieved.  They had been praying for me for nearly three years.  What?  Yes.  I was on a sheet in a notebook as one of their “missions” to pray me out of the Watchtower so I could know Christian Freedom!  Hey, that sounds like In Search of Christian Freedom! ... but those were their words.  They expressed how they watched me in the van-pool read my Bible, and felt I was a Christian that was misled into legalism, and they were moved to pray for me – turning this into a three years project and counting!

 

How do you answer people who do this kind of thing – and now here you are, an answer to their prayers?

 

“I ask about another “Jay,” the engineer I traveled with:  They confirmed that Jay often attends these sessions, but had to be away for lunch.  I related my experience with Jay to them from the previous October in 1991.  I told how he was instrumental in shaking my thinking loose, and with other factors going on and the material I read, I had been broken loose from the JW beliefs by December 1991.  I asked if he had reported this to them, or if he had relayed any discussions I had with another engineer, Jeff, regarding my progress.  Was this how they monitored the progress of their prayers?  What a silly question for me to ask, but in the Watchtower World, monitoring things like this makes sense.

 

No!  One of the men spoke up and said that they do not sit in there plotting and planning conversion strategies.  Rather, they just pray and leave it to God.  They said that no one had related any of this to them.  Bonk me on the head!  I told them that their prayers did more good than all the years I worked territory door-to-door in an organized way.  One of the women said that in her opinion the Holy Spirit does not seem to work in arbitrary fashion like the JWs, but God sees the heart and hears prayers.  He acts to draw people to him.

 

I asked about how they felt regarding their religious organizations and the differences in doctrine – how does this affect their fellowship together?  They said that their church affiliation has far more to do with convenience of a church near where they live, or the style of worship they prefer.  They felt that they are all still Christians, sisters and brothers in the faith, and not to judge such differences.  WOW!  What is going on here?  Is this the Twilight Zone?

 

Emotional Moment:  Men are not easily prone to tears, be they for suffering or for happiness.  So when we get this deep “gut-wrenching feeling” that makes our throats hurt, we do everything in our power to stifle it.

 

I tried to continue to express my appreciation and how this was affecting me ... but no, there was no stopping it this time ... the tears started flowing ... no, not like some religious ‘saving’ experience ... rather, because I was sitting with people who really cared, who trusted God far better than me ... and who understood the value and price of spiritual freedom.  The women and men got up to hug me in a most reassuring way.

 

Song and Prayer:  After my eyes were dry, we read a chapter from the Bible and discussed its personal meaning to each of us.  For a new ex-JW, this type of “free and open” discussion is quite an experience.  My first taste was visiting with Ray Franz and the ex-JWs that came over on Sunday.  But somehow, the significance did not sink in then.  Now, after such a tear-jerking experience, the act of reading and giving one’s own opinion was somehow like getting a fresh breath of clean mountain air.

 

Then, they popped out the prayer request sheet.  Each got a copy for personal prayer time.  They discussed adding in some requests or deleting others.  They kept me on because they felt that I was going to need more prayer.  Hey, who was I to argue with success – maybe this would prove important in the near future – and as it turned out, they were right.

 

Finally, they pass out a sheet with words to popular Christian songs.  Most of these I did not know, except for “Amazing Grace” and “I Stand in Awe of You.”  They asked if I had a request.  What else would you expect me to pick – Amazing Grace!  Somehow, the depth and meaning of that song hit home for the first time in my life.  This time they cried too – we all cried together.

 

Engineer Jay:  While walking to another part of the office complex, I saw Jay.  I stopped him to tell him about my first session at lunch with prayer and Bible discussion.  Then, I reminded Jay of our discussion a year earlier while in Southern California.  He recalled quite well, and wondered where I was at in my journey.  I told him some of the events ... and then thanked him for his role in knocking some sense into my head.  He smiled and thanked me for telling him.  He acknowledged that we all have to bang our heads against the wall in life – and he was pleased to have had a share in mine ... and we laughed at the pun.  But, he was modest about it, and we parted.

 

October 1992:  This month proved to be another surprise – meeting caring Christians who impose nothing on you but concern – who care more about people than rules and regulations – who respect and value where each person is at in their individual journey through this life – and they leave the big stuff to God!  These are likely the same types of people I noticed on my plane trips, and always judged with pity – and really now, all along, it was I who needed the pity.

 

This was all a new day for me.  The doors of freedom were opening more.  I could begin to feel emotionally and mentally untangling from the web of Watchtower control.  I felt a sense of shielding between their concern and the agreement of Elder E to keep things quiet.  Work and home would be a daily refuge ... and now, the planned Exit into the Void was at the threshold – except that the Void was not an empty black hole – no, it was turning into the valley that flowed with the aroma of a normal, but liberated life.

 

One would think that this should mark the end of a long saga, a trail with winding turns and twists cluttered with events from the Outer Limits – and we might all say about my family – they lived happily ever after.  NO!  The Possible Dream was about to be interrupted with another startling turn of events – making the Exit door slam shut – and present hurdles and obstacles that would have to be met head on before the door would fully open to passage ... net stop ... Part 13:  The Apostate Trial of My Friend ... to be continued ...