Part 14: The Last Shepherding Visit

 

by Jay Walter

 

Elder G continues,  “Okay. While I have you on the phone, Elder C and I want to come by on a Shepherding visit with you and your family.  Since you missed out on the COs Shepherding visit, we wanted to include you and your family this time. ” WHAT!  “Oh, no, I was visited by the PO and CO last time. They came up to the house, and so it worked out after all.”

 

Elder G clears his throat ...“Ah, I see ... well ... uummmm ... “ ... “Brother Jay, we just want to visit with you and your family anyway.  We know that your daughter and son-in-law have moved in with you, and we have not seen much of any of your family at the meetings.  We are just concerned.”

 

I pause, hoping that some magical idea or thought will come bouncing into my head and help me skate around this problem.  But there is nothing coming to mind or out of my mouth ... “Brother Jay, are you still there?” ... “Yes. Well, I suppose it will be okay.  What time?” ... “Wednesday, around 7:00 PM.  Is that okay?”  ... “Okay, see you then.”

 

Am I crazy or what?  Why didn’t I just decline?  What can they do, DF me for refusing to be Shepherded?  This was not just a matter of sticking FEET in mouth.  No, this was completely ludicrous – I may as well have dove headfirst into a vat of my own vomit.  At least that would have been a better alternative.

 

No way to leave honorably:  Sometime later I read a book by an ex-JW couple who recounted how the son of another JW family committed suicide, due in part because he feared the JC.  They were rightfully very bitter ... but I could not completely connect to that yet.  What I was starting to see is that ex-JWs cannot fade away with any dignity or honor.  The WTS wants us discredited “”first”” and then they hope we fade away.  The recent development of ex-JWs on the Internet is proving to be a serious thorn in their side.  This is especially true when active JWs are on the Internet, voicing disagreement with Watchtower doctrine, in the anonymity afforded by most ex-JW forums.

 

What could these Elders want to talk about?  The JC with Brother K was over.  I was keeping a low profile.  No contact with any JWs, and any local non-JWs were not involved with any of this.  I informed the family of this wonderful privilege – no takers.  Suddenly everyone had plans, including my wife who decided she and two of my children needed to go to the mall.  That was fine by me – she should not have to deal with this junk, and it was my own fault anyway.

 

Oddly enough, through all this, my wife had not yet Crisis of Conscience or In Search of Christian Freedom, but was content with what she observed and discussed to determine that the JWs were no longer her cup of tea.  So, I was abandoned, left to pity myself.  That is as it should be – for no matter what happens, at least they will remain unscathed.

 

Doorbell rings – Its Elder G and C:  Everyone was gone but me.  I made sure I was in jeans, unshaven, sandals, T-shirt, and my terry-cloth robe.  The house was dark except for the porch light and low lighting in the living room.  I had some soft classical music playing – the type of albums you buy from Reader’s Digest.  There was some good rich Espresso brewing with cups, saucers, spoons, sugar, cream, and napkins on the coffee table.  Hey, I try to be a gracious host.

 

I honestly did not know what to expect of this meeting.  Based on experience as an Elder, I felt confident that these men were sincere in trying to repatriate me into the organization.  I also had no illusion that they were going to make notes, and determine if their concerns over apostasy had enough merit to pursue a JC with me.  My thought behind the relaxed atmosphere was to try and keep tensions low.  At the same time, my lacking a suit was intended to send the signal that I was not playing along with religious formality.  This is my turf, and I am in control ...

 

We made our introductions and had some pleasant talk.  They commended the way the house looked and graciously accepted the hot coffee with its exotic aroma.  I figured that these guys are tense, uncertain about what they will encounter, and the best way was to create an unthreatening environment – on my turf – though today, I wonder if I should have put a tranquilizer in their coffee or poured Brandy instead.

 

Let the Games begin!  Elder G opens with prayer.  Asks for Jehovah’s blessing on the meeting, our family and me, and for wisdom and understanding.  So far, so good.  I said ‘Amen’ figuring that God cannot be too alarmed about this obviously good request from Elder G.  After more small talk and expressing some concern for the wife, children and my son-in-law they state that they are wondering if I was going to be able to start attending meetings again.  “We’ve been really worried about how this must be a serious spiritual drain on you and your family.”

 

I tell them that we have been getting along just fine.  The family is happy.  Our health is good.  Aside from getting into a new career, I am feeling great.  I extend my bare feet onto the coffee table and put my arms behind the back of my head ... your know ... the super laid-back look. (All I needed were some sunglasses to complete the scene.)  So, I was already pushing the envelop as it was, and didn’t want to come across as crass and flippant.

 

They ask things like, “What is your family doing to care for your spiritual needs?  You know well what the Bible says about ‘not forsaking the gathering of ourselves together.’  What about keeping up your studies in the Watchtower?  Surely this must be affecting your spiritual condition.”  Again, I assured them that we are doing fine.  We hold family Bible readings.  We still get the subscriptions and everyone has plenty of opportunity to review the magazines.  We pray together.  So we are doing well.

 

They go on more about meeting at the table of Jehovah, enjoying fine, rich spiritual food prepared by the Slave Class.  They continue to remind me of the importance of all these fine provisions deep in this time of the end.  Finally, they play the “Anointed” card, that as one of the “elect” (an infrequent term some older JWs still use) I was more subject to Satanic attacks on me – to get me to turn away from Jehovah.  (Does any of this sound familiar?)

 

This type of discussion went on for 15 to 20 minutes – bouncing the ball back and forth ... soft line drive to me – and my soft glove catch and gentle lob back at them with avoidance, evasion, non-committal, unclear directives.  All this is still my attempt to fade quietly from the JWs ... and believe that I could maintain some level of honor.

 

Now for the Change up in the Pitch – the fast ball over home plate:  In a firm but still kind voice Elder G says, “Brother Jay, you know why we are here.  You were an Elder.  You’ve been in the Truth a long time.  You’ve been where we are.  Help us out here.  We need to stop beating around the bush ... if you continue on like this, it will bring everlasting harm to you and your family.  You need to at least start attending meetings again and getting the flow of Jehovah’s spirit – it will help adjust your outlook!”

 

I pause, rise up, put my slippers back on.  Sit forward, and say:  “Gentlemen, you have a problem – a very serious problem!”  What possessed me to suddenly change posture is still unclear to me to this day – but somehow, I just could not stand the authoritarian sales pitch.  My strength was no longer coming from one of organizational position or status – if that was ever any kind of asset I am not sure – but now it was having my family fully in accord, behind me, alleviating any sense of fear of losing them.  Well, they were behind me, even if they were 30 or 40 miles away at the shopping mall.

 

As I saw it, these men truly had much more serious problems than my family and me.  So I continued, “You men have a BIG serious problem on your hands.  Why should we attend your Kingdom Hall with what you are allowing to take place there?” ... Pin drops.  Puzzled looks on their faces as if to say, “What do you mean?”  The tone in my voice must have suggested to them that something really ugly was going to come out of the closet.

 

“The PO and you guys tried to DF a good man, Brother K.  It is no secret to me that you were lying to him to get him to turn me in – to find something on me. Isn’t that what took place?  You told Brother K that you had talked to me and that I had ‘Confessed” and that all you needed was for him to acknowledge it?”  They said that was a confidential JC matter and that they were not at liberty to discuss it.  I said that they had better take some liberty, because I am well aware of it all, and it stinks to the high heavens.  I went on to relay how I confronted the PO on the phone about this.  “Now tell me the truth.”  Elder C finally spoke up and admitted the lies told to Brother K.  He was stumbling for words when Elder G mentioned that sometimes “Theocratic Strategy” has to be employed.

 

The pitch is now hit with a line drive down center field ... I continue, “Thank you Elder C for confirming what I knew.  When I talked to the PO, he lied to my face about this.  You need to bring him up before a JC.  In Israel, you know what happened to someone who lied before Jehovah.  Whatever was to be done to the accused would be meted out to the liar.  Since Brother K’s future – his very life – according to the Organization was in the balance, then the same fate should be brought to the PO.”

 

They said that Brother K should be the one to make a charge, but that since he was now DA’d, his allegations and testimony would not count.  They sounded like a couple of Philadelphia lawyers manipulating the legal system.

 

“Gentlemen, the lie was told to me, and about me.  The lie was bearing false witness about something I said, and therefore, I have every right to make the charge.  So, I am making it now.  You must form a JC and invite the PO to attend.”

 

They said that I would need witnesses. I said that they are witnesses, by Elder C’s own admission.  Therefore, unless the PO was repentant, he needs to be removed as an Elder and face Disfellowshipping.  They looked at me with amazement, and said that I had a point.  They said they I should talk to the CO, and if he agrees, they will form a JC and bring the PO up on charges. – Home run! ... almost.

 

Next, another change up – this time low, and inside:  “Brother Jay, setting aside the faults of the PO, that still leaves open the issue of meeting attendance.  If you are at the meetings, you will be encouraged, you will encourage others, and your standing will count before the CO should he agreed that action against the PO is necessary.”

 

“You men still have a problem.  You do not need the CO to do your dirty work.  Are you that linguini-spined that you cannot see the seriousness and form a JC against a liar – one that you are witnesses to?  How can you talk to me about the flow of Jehovah’s spirit when you are tolerating such things?  The whole congregation suffers according to the Society.” ... Silence. ... “Okay, we will agree to look into this, but let’s get back to your meeting attendance.  Surely if you are there it will help bring more of God’s spirit on the congregation.”

 

“I am not going to attend your Kingdom Hall.  And ... You men have an even more serious problem in the congregation, and one that means that you men should be removed as Elders.” ... Again, the puzzlement and curiosity.

 

The bat swings with precision at the pitch: “You men have been tolerating a Child Molester, for years. And you have not turned him into the authorities.  He still comes to the meetings, associating with, and endangering children.” ... Their response:  “Brother Jay, where are you getting your information?  Again, these things are confidential matters for the JC involved, if there were such a case.  We can’t talk about these things in this context.”

 

My tone gets real firm – close to anger:  “Gentlemen, why are you playing coy here.  You privately reproved Mr. S for child molestation.  You then tell your own children to avoid him.  Your daughters and sons talk to my children, and here are the names and dates and what was said by whom.  You act to protect your own families, but you leave the rest of us out in the cold.”

 

Elder C then takes the rope, and hangs himself:  “Brother Jay, your children are in no danger, because they are too old for Mr. S to bother with, and besides, your family is not at the meetings anyway.”

 

BINGO!!!  My tone goes into high pitch ... “You got it Elder C.  But what about the rest of the families who have young children?  I understand that Sister R’s little girl was molested by Mr. S.  And, sometime in the future, my daughter may have children, and there is no way on God’s green earth they will be at your Hall.  They are protected precisely because they are no longer there.”

 

Elder G makes his last ditch pitch:  “Brother Jay, why not then attend another Kingdom Hall if that is how you feel.  We will look into these matters and handle them.  And this way you will benefit from Jehovah’s blessing elsewhere.”

 

Game Ending Point:  My anger is now condensing as it is approaching full throttle:  “Gentlemen, I am not driving 20 miles to another Hall.  More importantly, I am going to stay right here – and become an embarrassment to you – because the next stop is the police.  Under Oregon Law you are no longer allowed Clergy-Laity privilege when it comes to hiding child molesters, and when this gets reported, you will not only be removed as Elders, you may well go to jail.” (Note: in 1999 Oregon Revised Statutes were changed again to allow Clergy-Penitent privilege with respect to child molesters.  My comment to them at the time was based on  what the County Sheriff told me about mandatory reporting.  While I had yet to report the pedophile, I had already been asking questions of the authorities.)

 

Elder G in the most pathetic pleading voice says:  “Please, don’t go to the authorities.  Think about the reproach on the congregation, on Jehovah!  You don’t know what harm you will be causing.  Let us handle this matter.  We need to focus on how you will get your spirituality back on track.”

 

Last Salvo:  “Gentlemen, you are facing criminal charges and you are worried about whether I will be at your Kingdom Hall to keep up some appearances that everything is okay?  It is NOT okay, and I WILL NOT ever again be at your HALL.  Furthermore, I WILL be going to the authorities and when I do, I will stand as a witness against you.”

 

Elder G, again in a begging voice – started to break with the tears welling up:  “You don’t know the harm you will cause.  People will lose jobs, children without dads, bankruptcies and foreclosures, and homes will be broken!”  PLEASE DON’T DO THIS!!!  You have no idea what this will do to us! ... Elder C glances at me, and then back to Elder G.  I ask, “What do you mean homes and jobs lost?  How will this affect you?  How many molesters are there?  Are you guilty of molesting children?”  Elder G said that I just don’t understand the seriousness and the enormous price that would be paid.

 

We then sat quietly for a couple of minutes staring at one another.  They finally decided that they were getting nowhere and looked at their watches.  I agreed it was getting late, and I had some things to finish up before heading to bed.  They took a last slurp of coffee.

 

As they were headed to the door, Elder C asked about having a parting prayer.  I said that they can pray if they want, but I can't say "Amen" to any prayer knowing that they are tolerating child molesters.  They left – without saying prayer.  (Note: For non-JWs, refusing to say ‘Amen’ to a JW prayer is very symbolic, and implies a strong rejection of the ones saying prayer.)

 

After they leave:  I sit in my big easy chair, looking out our large picture windows – staring at the city lights in Portland – like a thin lighted line on the horizon with a blinking radio tower.  I break out some Scotch and take a few sips.  I thought about my next step ... visiting the county Sheriff.  I also wondered about their pleadings and fear, and wondered how bad the molestation situation is.  I did not expect the meeting to get as heated as it did ... but there was no choice anymore ... a stand had to be taken.

 

I did go to the Sheriff and report everything I knew, names, dates, phone numbers, and what ever else they needed.  They placed me under a ‘shield’ to protect me as an informant.  But I knew the Elders would know, and would be keeping watch for the next opportunity to nail me – certainly they did this with rounds of gossip that could only come from them.

 

Now, though, for the first time, I did not worry about what I said, how I said it, or the ramifications.  I no longer thought about putting my FEET in my mouth, or whether I was blowing my cover.  No, I did nothing wrong.  They were properly confronted.  That was necessary.  As I thought about it again, I realized that they won’t be trying to DF me – not now.  Maybe in the morning,  I will feel even better, and this will be the last of the JWs in my life.

 

As it turned out, things got very quiet for a couple of months.  I was working hard in my new career.  The family was fading more from the meetings.  Fewer JW friends dropped by to see my children, and only once in a while someone would stop by to see my wife.  I was already considered by some as “Persona –non - Grata” – experiencing occasional shunning effects – but nothing formal had taken place.  Several humorous events resulted when I would run into JWs at the store – with one talking to me while the other shunning.  But, maybe this was it ... the grandest finale’ to bring a sure end to future harassment.

 

Sometime later ...

 

Elder G calls:  “Brother Jay, can we talk.”  I saw no reason to hang up so I said yes ... he said,  “We need to settle some things.”  Sure, I figured, what harm could come of this?  Just a few more loose ends – why not go along?  But, this was going to prove to be another round of the Tribal Elders mobilizing into action – to gear up for some good old fashioned spiritual terrorism ... and this leads to Part 15: The Letter to the Watch Tower Society – Legal Department ... to be continued ...