Part 15: The Letter to the Watch Tower Society

 

by Jay Walter

 

Elder G calls:  “Brother Jay, can we talk.”  I saw no reason to hang up so I said yes ... he said,  “We need to settle some things.”  I agreed, and the conversation continued.  He asked if I had talked to the authorities, but I declined to say.  He then informed me of the CO visit soon, and how I could get hold of the CO to talk with him about the allegations against the PO. I agreed.

 

He then started asking about whether I was planning on returning to meetings, citing the importance of this with respect to how I am viewed by the CO.  I declined to make any commitment.  He then begin again about the importance of meetings to our spirituality, and asked how our family was meeting this all important need.  He cited Hebrews 10:25 regarding ‘not forsaking the gathering of yourselves together as some have the custom, but do all the more so as the end draws near.”

 

Starting My Own Church:  Ex-JWs, of anyone, likely have the least desire to start their own religion.  If anything, we tend to move away from any ‘organization’ and are very shy about being involved even ‘informally’ with a Church.  The Watchtower Society does not understand this, and has this “Fantasy” that former JWs are out to draw away their own Disciples and start a new religion.  So, even the slightest things that they can use to run with it, embellish it, and make it appear that they are correct, will be twisted and used against you.  I remember well the complaints regarding those who left Bethel in the early 1980s:  At conventions it would be said that ‘Apostates’ complain about the Organization, but then “rush” to form their own Organization.

 

I tell Elder G that my family and I “meet” together as we see the need and that is how we satisfy our spiritual needs.  He asks, “So you are starting your own meetings now – outside Jehovah’s arrangements?”  NO, I am simply saying that I believe what Jesus said at Matt 18:20: “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”  I noted that is a promise from Jesus Christ, a vow.  Can I not rely on Jesus’ promises?

 

Elder G made a unique turn-around here that stumped me.  He first agreed that we can rely on Jesus’ promises, then he said, “Well, in this Organizations, you can believe anything you want to believe, just keep your TRAP shut.”  I felt stunned.  I asked him if he realized how he sounds with this – if he understood the blatant chains on the spirit and lack of genuine honesty.  I told him I could no longer live like that.  He just said that if I want to get anywhere with my agenda that I had better heed his advice, and keep quiet about what I think and believe.

 

Note:  It is this discussion that eventually leads to the ‘official’ reasons that the Elders decided to force my Disassociation.  The charge made to me orally was that I was out starting my own church.  I believe that the real underlying reason to DA me was their fear and anger that I went to the authorities to report the molester, Mr. S.  This is what I believe was their sole motive that led to their searching for a way to get me out and hopefully discredit me, or any testimony I might share with the Court.

 

Meeting with the CO:  We still had the same CO from the year before.  I called him at Elder C’s home and set up a time to meet him privately at the Kingdom Hall in the “Back Room” in the evening after the meeting.  I drove up and waited in the parking lot until most of the JWs had exited for the night.  I went in, dressed in plain cloths – no suit that is – and went straight to the Library where the CO was waiting.  He closed the door, and we engaged in some small talk.

 

He did not open with prayer, but asked me what the problem was, though he confirmed he already had an idea.  I stated the situation with the PO, the lies to Brother K and then to me.  The CO was very polite and thoughtful.  He agreed that I had a proper grievance, and asked what I thought should be done.  I stated that I felt that the PO needs to face a JC and be disciplined because of anything that an Elder could do wrong, lying about, and to, a Brother that would cause his DFing was among the worst.  He agreed.

 

I continued on about how the other Elders on the JC participated in the same lie, and were both witnesses as well as sharers in the lie, and that it seems he should consider bringing in outside Elders to hear the matter and step in, in case any or all these men need to be removed as Elders.  He agreed, sort of – and here is where the sticky-wicket comes into play.

 

The CO says that I have a very valid case.  BUT ... (I love “buts”) ... his hands are tied!  Oh, how so?  He says that first, by procedure, the local Elders need to hear the case against the PO.  But since they are culpable with him, they are not likely to rule against him.  So, it will simply put them through a process that will result in a zero gain, and I will have permanently damaged myself with them.

 

What Procedure?  What is this?  I told him how the Society directly and through local COs and DOs have taken action before, and cited a specific case example from the past ... and that because we have four of five Elders involved in lying during a JC, that it was my understanding he would step in with a Special Committee.  He just looked at me, shrugged his shoulders and said sorry, his hands were tied.

 

Twilight Zone:  Imagine this, here you are a JW for 20 or 25 years.  You have seen and participated in many aspects of the Organization.  You have a conception built up over time as to how things are supposed to work in the ‘system.’  Yet, you hear something like this?  There is this strange feeling --- this sense that you have crossed-over into another universe, and everything you once thought was true, is now subject to immediate change without notice.  There suddenly sets in this helpless, sinking feeling that there is a ‘rat’ running loose you will never catch – elusive like Osama bin Laden.  Maybe the “Conspiracy Theorists” are onto something after all.  I finally felt like throwing my hands up, and saying what is the use of any of this.  Why am I here?

 

I am not content – no, I must push the envelop:  “Brother CO, did the Elders mention anything else about my concerns, involving criminal activity?”  He said no.  He was only aware of my concern with the PO.  So, I let him in on the molestation issue.  He asked if I had yet gone to the authorities.  I stated that I was withholding any details on that for a future time.  So, he responded with the assumption that I had done so.  He said that at most the authorities will go after the molester, and the Elders will not be involved.  I dwelled a lot on the moral and ethical; aspects of reporting these offenders.  Then mentioned Oregon Law – and that the Elders may indeed be subject to criminal allegations or civil suit.  Again, the CO shrugged his shoulders, and said that he understands that I have to do what I have to do – and that maybe the authorities will make our lives a lot easier for us by taking action.  I understood this to mean that he was not going to do anything but sit and watch the action.  The CO asked about my meeting attendance and Field Service ... but kept it much more moderate in tone ... and then ...

 

The $64,000 Question:  Of course, you guessed it – anyone viewed as not in total submission to the Organization can be given the “Loyalty Test” at any time, any place, without notice.  “Brother Jay, tell me, how do you feel about Jehovah’s Organization?”  After the early 1980s, this type of question became increasingly common.  Although in my service as an Elder, I never actually asked it of anyone.  But now that I was headed out of the organization, I saw this “Litmus Test” question come up several times – aimed at me.

 

I wondered, “Is this the moment when I cut my losses and state that “IT” is not the “Truth”?  No, I try a dodge by saying that to the extent that the Organization teaches the truth, I accept it.  The CO was savvy to this slip-n-slide response, and said, “Let’s not kid ourselves here, do you, or do you not believe that Jehovah’s Witnesses are the True religion – yes or no.”  Just like that ... no pussy-footing allowed.

 

I stared – and took my customary pause to buy time – please God, let me die?  How do I answer this man?  Why is this being turned around on me?  “Brother CO, I am going to take my “Cue” here from Jesus example when questioned and rephrase the concept ... that is:  “Unless you can act to take care of these Elders and the child molester in this congregation, I am not going to give an answer to that question.”  He stared.  Smiled.  Then said, very well ... I think I “”safely”” understand where you are coming from.

 

I never felt so unsure about what was going to happen next as I did just then.  All I could do was stare and smile in return and wait.  I did not know if the CO was going to accept the forced ‘impasse’ or if he was going to treat my response as all that was needed to hang me ... a few moments passed, and then ...

 

”Brother Jay, I would like to speak freely just between you and I”:  Okay. “This needs to stay between us and go no where else. ” Okay, I am all ears.

 

“I really do understand where you are coming from and what you must do.  Were I in your shoes I would do the same thing.  You are a younger man, still in your prime.  You have the will and energy that I no longer have.  I just don’t have it in me any longer to slay dragons – and I mean that respectfully.  You have to act according to your conscience, and I respect that.  You are a good person, and God will not let that go unnoticed.  You should sleep well at night.”

 

“This Organization has serious problems that need change.  I can’t sit here and kid you about that.  All we can do is make some dents here and there and hope that in time things will improve.  I don’t agree with all that goes on.  I am just one man – what else I can do?”

 

“If you will not expect anymore from me, then I can assure you that as long as I am in this Circuit, you will have no trouble from me.  You might consider lying low for a while, maybe move ... but whatever you do, you will be okay.  But as far as the Organization goes, in time, there may be nothing I can do to prevent things from becoming very difficult for you.  Do we understand each other here?”

 

He did not fully understand just how difficult things already were.  I could not imagine them getting much worse.  The future is still open ... and ... I was even still in a fog about what would eventually take place – that proved to be worse.

 

We stared at each other for a while longer, and both smiled.  I said that I understand his position too and wished he felt he could do more – but, maybe he is right, and that he needs to let someone else slay the Dragons.  He ended the conversation by saying how much he appreciated me and what I am doing, and assured me that I would be in his prayers.  We shook hands. No prayer.

 

Reflection:  There was more to our conversation, but the above is the gist of what was most important and revealing.  It was disturbing to me to see a man brought to the point where he felt that he was hogged-tied from doing much, a man who likely was nearing his retirement in a few years, and did not want anymore headaches than he already had.  Somehow, though he never said it directly, I got this feeling that he was among the silent “Reformers” ... or that he too disagreed with the Organization, but his own sense of helplessness prevented him from making any choices that might harm his ability to survive.  It all made sense when I look back to the previous year and the kind posture he took regarding the issues between me and Elder A.  His assignment to our Circuit lasted several more months, and then he moved on. We never spoke again.

 

July 1993:  Periodically, my wife and I, or through our children, were getting phone calls and visits from JW friends who reported back to us various gossip about our entire family.  Elder A surfaced again encouraging certain families to view us as “Bad Association” and even keep their children away from our children.  The parents did not oblige Elder A, and our children continued to enjoy their friends.  One family told me that when Elder A was pushing them to cut us off, they told him to get lost and that they would be the ones to decide who to associate with or not.  They remained friendly to us until my letter came out in the newspaper ... and that will be related later on.

 

Nevertheless, the gossip continued.  Our children were counseled at times that did not sit well with us.  One such occasion was the time that my wife and I left for California in June to see her parents.  My youngest daughter had a male JW friend over, at the house.  That was okay, and properly monitored by my oldest daughter and son-in-law.  Nothing wrong took place.  But something in the story became misunderstood, and Elder C called my house and demanded that my daughter’s company leave.  When we returned I learned of this, and started a phone call war with Elder C, the PO and an Elder and MS in another congregation.  The Elder in the other congregation would not listen to my concerns and I hung up on him while he was preaching at me.  This is a long story cut short, but it is an example of the types of interference, gossip, jumping to conclusions, and going around my wife and I that became too much.

 

The Authorities:  I no longer had any sense of influence or weight among the JW Elders ... nor did I want or care for such ... I had absolutely no leverage left.  The report I made to the Sheriff was done, but the investigating Officer stated that he talked to a number of families, yet it was as if they had a rehearsed answer ... and he could not make a case to file charges.  He noted that JW Elders are known to be among the worst at cooperating with the authorities in these situations.  He drew upon his previous experience from other states and major metropolitan areas.

 

He did find a reference to a case file on Mr. S, the Child Molester I reported, but it was under the purview of Child Services, with the file sealed by Court Order.  He said that he would have to have a chargeable case before he could get an Order to get that file unsealed.  He said that it was likely sealed due to some Plea Bargain made with Mr. S.  But he promised to keep his file open in case something came along.  My own testimony, he said, would not be allowed because what I witnessed was not solid enough.

 

What did I witness?:  Mr. S was on the assignment sheet to help patrol the parking lot at night.  He was not an MS, but was being given some responsibilities.  He always took his youngest daughter with him while he performed his assignment.  I forget her exact age, but it seemed like she was 4 or 5 years old.  One evening I came out to get something I left in my van, and as I walked back toward the Hall,  I saw Mr. S holding his daughter up in his arms, but rested some on the hood of his vehicle.  His hand was up her dress, and it appeared like fondling.  The Sheriff’s Detective stated that any Defense Lawyer could kill my observation because I did not actually see his hand or fingers touching her privates.  They could argue that he was just straightening out her underwear.

 

TIME FOR ACTION:  My wife told me that she was through with the crap from the JWs.  She said it was too painful for her to hear of the gossip, trying to keep a low profile and enjoy some level of freedom – it was like we were living in some kind of strange no man’s land – bound to the JWs but free of the JWs.  She has never read Crisis of Conscience but she saw the problems.  When I opted to leave the JWs, she was right there.  So, she insisted that we make a decisive move to end any obligation or connection with the JWs, and start living life.  She wanted a Christmas Tree this year, and other things normal to social customs, and did not give a rats rectum about what people thought.  We are either JWs or not, and stop playing the “middle” game! – Now! – Ouch!

 

My wife suffers from clinical depression.  She has logged more in-hospital days than most people will have in a lifetime – over 400 days at the time of this event.  Currently, she has slowed her hospital time and accumulated a little less than 600 days.  Leaving the JWs was coincident with her reduced hospitalizations, but we have no proof of whether this was among the remedies.  It was clear that the way we were living was continuing the stress, and the hurtful gossip was more than she cared to bear.  It was time to cut our loses.

 

What do I do now?:  I thought about the last year and a half.  My family is now out.  Fading away was not working quite as I had hoped.  Each new event seem to bring with it a greater need to be more firm, more decisive, and more open distance from the JW religion.  I considered doing nothing more, but that was not working.  I considered writing a firm, almost harsh letter to the local Elders – for that would bring everything to a screeching halt.  Then again, this pit in my stomach would not allow me to deal directly with them any longer – at least not in writing.  The only thing left was to write to the Society.

 

What would I write to them?  I thought a lot about my goals of fading away, and not being Disfellowshipped or Disassociated – how this would allow us some flexibility to have a few remaining JW associations.  Then, the light-bulb went on! – I will write to the Watch Tower Legal Dept. and try a Mexican Stand-off.  I will make it clear that I am considering a law suit against them, and maybe they will “call-off the local Elder dogs” and we can fade away – my way.  Here is what I decided to do ...

 

The Letter:  In mid-July, 1993 I sat down to write to the Watchtower Society Legal Department.  I don’t have the copy out and ready to quote directly.  It was about a page and a half, but here is the gist of it: (If anyone is interested, I can post this letter separately.)

 

I stated to the Society that the local congregation had serious problems.  (I didn’t want to go outside the Sheriff’s strong recommendation that I not give myself away as the informer – at least not without working through my own legal counsel.)

 

So I just alluded to serious issues.  I stated that we will not receive the Elders calls or visits – in other words, stay off of our property – with the sole exception that the Society may contact us in written form only.  I also demanded that they make no announcements about us of any kind or for any reason, whether oral or in other forms.  We are to be left alone.  I felt that by making this demand, I was covering any bases with respect to formal Disassociation or Disfellowshipping.

 

I then made my one and “only” threat:  I told the Society that the stress was too hard on my clinically depressed wife, and that if this continues, I will take legal action, either civil or criminal if any harm comes to her.  This letter was basically a “Cease and Desist” demand to force the cessation of any more gossip, meetings, harassment and/or involvement with the local Elders.  I gave the Society ten days or so to respond.  I hoped that maybe they would at least be concerned about the “serious issues” and look into them.

 

Honestly, even at this point, I expected a reply showing concern that the Society would look into the problems and get back to me ... something to suggest that they “cared even just a little” about what goes on in the local congregations and with its members.  I had the Letter Notarized and sent it Certified, Return Receipt Required.  Other than the signed Return Receipt I received several days later, there was No response. – just deafening silence.

 

IT WAS FINALLY DONE:  No, I didn’t plan on working with them or going back to the Kingdom Hall.  It was OVER!  I just felt that maybe these guys in New York might give a damn, and look into matters, and then I would tell them about the molester, or make sure they found out, so they could take appropriate action.  I didn’t even care any longer about the lies of the Elders or the PO or any of that, just at least as a bare minimum look into the one serious molestation problems.  I knew that they knew my letter was a form of Disassociation letter, but it was structured such that they were to leave us alone, and that would be that.

 

The Aftermath:  We learned a short time later, I believe the early Fall, that two back-to-back visits were made by the District Overseer along with the Circuit Overseer.  The Society went so far as to send out some type of special representative.  He bought a home and moved into the Congregation.  We learned of Special Talks on Apostasy, and of course, we saw no more JWs visit us, no more calls, we were finished. (Note:  There were eventually seven talks given on Apostasy, and none on child molestation.)

 

My children still enjoyed some of their friends – mostly now confined to fringe JWs and some JW children who’s parents were highly active, including the PO’s son.  Other than that, the JWs were gone.  Certainly, we had no more JW association from any adults in the congregation.

 

Our only friend from that congregation was Brother K.  We were likewise all he had.  He was ‘officially’ DA’d.  We were simply “Marked” after a fashion.  More and more JWs we ran into at the store were shunning us, mostly me.  Some were quite open and caring.  Some actually said they hated the congregation and vowed to not shun us even if we were DF’d.  These few kept true to their word after my own DA.

 

Life finally begins to move forward:  By now, I was living out of state, and back into my engineering career after a few months in the financial services industry.  I traveled home every other weekend.  My wife held down the fort.  The kids totally stopped attending the Kingdom Hall and two were starting to attend a church near our home.  After Graduation, my oldest son moved to live with me so he could have the opportunity to start living on his own.  It was also some of he best “Dad-Son” times we ever had.  I have no regrets about this arrangement as he and I grew closer together than ever before ... he helped me in many ways – even taught me to like Beavis and Butthead.

 

Letters to the Editor:  Later in the Fall, Brother K wrote a very interesting letter to the local newspaper that was published.  He addressed JW issues, including the Blood policy.  I felt compelled to respond.  So, sometime around December 1993, I wrote a 900 word letter (600 over the limit ... Ha ha ... yes, I say lots of things), mentioning Brother K, my 25 years with the religion, and issues of concern with respect to their prophecies and what was said by the Society in the past, and how they tell a different story today.  I worded it in general question form so that I could not be DF’d for apostasy.  The letter had a decisive impact on some few JWs who knew us – that is, they determined that I was Apostate – and withdrew from any contact at all.  I felt it had to be said ... The remaining good news is that my friend from California, Brother L did not mind – so we stayed in contact.

 

Life itself, the everyday issues, concerns and problems began to take first place ... and I wondered how we got along as JWs and still cared for normal daily needs ... in time realizing how much of life gets “”neglected because of JW routine””” and priorities.  We were left to face many new challenges.  But at last, we were free, and the months that passed contained a measure of peace and liberty.  That is ... until about a year and a half later, in May of 1995 ... The Truce, the Quasi-Mexican Stand-Off comes to an end – things heat up once again with the JWs ... stay tuned for: Part 16: The Radio Interview in Portland ... to be continued ...