Part 5: The Beginning of the End

 

by Jay Walter

 

NOTE:  From this point forward begins not only my final journey out of the JWs, but even more bizarre and twisted turns in the road.  I hope you all find this interesting, because to me it only gets more intriguing and weird for the 3 ½ years following January 1992.

 

Moment of Decision:  I can point back to the mountain top visit with God, or maybe today one might call it a visit with my higher power, whomever She/He/It might be.  Nonetheless, it was a moment of decision.  I needed to hear myself say that I wanted to leave the religion.  I finally said it in that prayer,  "I no longer want to be one of Jehovah’s Witnesses."  But, still, I was a JW “Officially” and what lay before me was not a quick, guillotine-like decision and subsequent speedy action ... no, my family is the key concern, and they need me more now than ever before, and it was going to take time.

 

The Family Exit Plan:  I sat down and decided that the best way was to use my Monday night family study time to begin introducing issues, questions, and concerns.  I had to first decide on the worst case scenario – where they all reject what I present to them in favor of remaining JWs – and this means I get reported, Disfellowshipped, and shunned.  Could I accept that?  Could I live with such a shock?  The answer was, painfully yes.  I would have to, if that is what it came down to.  But, I was not going to go out without a fight, and time was now on my side.

 

The family studies began in January 1992:  I discussed the entire plan in my article on Freeminds.org. You can click on the following and it will bring up the article, “Letting your Kids make their own decision” at http://freeminds.org/psych/exithelp.htm

 

The Family studies went very well.  I started off by asking questions as to how they would defend the JW faith if they were to confront a Bible Study, or Householder, or even a JW who had serious concerns with the history and teachings of the Society.  I told them that they would face these things, and that they needed to be prepared how to deal with it.  Our family studies in the past were okay, but now, they came alive ... it was like I had turned on an engine, and they were ready to move forward ... I had never seen this much excitement.  The process was starting, and they loved it.  I was still uncertain about where it would go, yet I had this feeling that the years of good communication and closeness in our family were going to really pay off ... deep down, I suspected that maybe they would join me in finding freedom from the religion.  The kids were going strong and enjoying the challenges of what was being presented to them.  I was not telling them how to think or what to conclude ... that was their job.

 

Business Trip to Arizona:  January passed with four family studies now complete.  Then, during the last few days of January I was assigned to travel to our joint utility meeting hosted by Arizona Public Service in Phoenix.  I took my oldest daughter because she had not been on a business trip with me before.  She was 19 years old and engaged to a brother serving at Bethel.

 

After we landed, we got our luggage and then stopped to call home and let everyone know that we were all right.  My wife answered, and after some brief discussion, she told me that she had some news.  She then put my younger daughter on the phone.  She told me that Elder A pulled her aside and exhorted her to end her “Home Study” and go back to Public School.  Of our 4 children, 2 were still in public school, and my oldest was graduated, but she was the only one being home schooled.  Elder A told her that she was needed there to be able to witness to worldly kids and to be an example to encourage other young JW children at school.  Needless to say, I was boiling mad.  How could this guy go around me, and interfere with me and my family?

 

The Drive to the Hotel:  We left the airport and took the freeway to down town Phoenix.  On the way, I decided that I needed to tell my oldest daughter what happened and what I feared might take place.  I explained that I was very unhappy at what went down with Elder A, and that when we returned, I was going to have words with him.  I warned my daughter that this could lead to my being Disfellowshipped because I cannot tolerate such interference.  She agreed that Elder A was wrong and arrogant.  She assured me, for the first time, that if I get DF’d, she would not shun me.  This was a defining moment for two reasons:  1. Because I was making more bold and open statements about disagreeing with the organization and, 2.  Because she volunteered her support in spite of what may come of it.

 

A Dinner to Remember:  During the course of our meetings at APS, some of the engineers and their wives invited me and my daughter to a Japanese restaurant.  Normally we would never think of dining with “Worldly” people.  But this time, I accepted, and we went out.  I am not a Sushi fan, but the Saki made it all go down well.  The evening was fun, and these non-JW people were so very nice.  The wife of one of the engineer’s took to my daughter and made her feel more relaxed.  No one swore or tried to do anything immoral.  No one got drunk or fell into debauchery.  I recall this as important because for the first time we were starting to relate to people outside the JWs, and discovered that people are people – that they are mostly good, and our fears of so-called “Worldly” people were greatly exaggerated.

 

A Call to Elder A:  Shortly after we got back home, I called Elder A to inquire as to why he counseled my daughter against Home Schooling.  He went on about how the Society publishes the School Brochure for JW kids in Public School, and we have no direction from the Society to use Home Schooling.  I cited an Awake! article that favorably mentions Home Schooling, but more importantly it was our personal choice and conscience.

 

He then countered with how this “situation” was troubling the "conscience of the congregation," and we must put that above our own personal interests.  I asked who was being troubled?  He declined by saying that it was confidential.  I said that until I know who it is that is complaining, then the matter is purely hypothetical and pointless for me to consider.  He then said that there were some specific families being stumbled, but that this was not the proper context in which to talk about it.  I said that this is the “perfect” context and I had a right to know so that I could apply Matthew 18.  He backed off and told me the names of 2 families.

 

I knew these families.  I reminded him that both of these families had children in Home Schooling themselves, so how could they possibly be stumbled.  He said that they would not be in Home Schooling were it not for me allowing my younger daughter to do so.  I was setting the example and they were following.  So, I told him that I would get back to him.

 

I immediately called each family and inquired about the “situation”.  They both said that they never complained.  They said that Elder A did not like Home Schooling, and had tried to get them to stop.  One of the families had their child in Home Schooling before we moved in, so my example was not the governing factor.  However, one family told me that when Elder A put a lot of pressure on them, they did cite me and my family as an example.  Both families had negative things to say about Elder A.

 

I called Elder A back and confronted him with the facts.  I told him that the only person in the equation who was troubled by Home Schooling was he himself.  I told him how the other families felt.  Elder A retorted that I had an obligation to set the proper example, and that meant my children should be in Public School to encourage other JW children, especially “weaker” ones.

 

I strongly disagreed.  I stated to Elder A that I do not have any obligation to the children of other families because that is their responsibility.  Mine is to my own children, and we determined that my youngest daughter needed to be Home Schooled.  She also wanted it that way.  And, I told him that he was way out of line going to my daughter behind my back.  In the future he was to only go to me if he had any “concerns” about the decisions that I make for my family.  He did not apologize, but he agreed to back off.

 

I found it Strange:  Here I was just about to leave the religion, and starting to help my family out, when this kind of trouble starts.  All these years things like this rarely, if ever, came up.  We had Home Schooled two of the other Children while in California, and then they returned to Public School.  No one ever pulled us aside to complain or interfere.  Yet, as I saw the Beginning of the End, it seems like trouble was finding its way to my door ... uninvited.  Why this begin to happen at this point is still a puzzle to me to this day.  I was still going to meetings and playing the role.  I had not said anything out of line to anyone.  But, keeping up appearances was somehow not enough ... it was like some kind of energy field was descending on us, as though something was automatically raising the “antennae” of the JW Elders.

 

A JW might reason that this was “Jehovah’s Spirit” operating on the Elders so as to “smoke me out” as one Elder put it to me later on.  Or, a non-JW Christian might say that it was God’s Holy Spirit exposing the “Wolves in Sheep’s clothing” so as to help me make progress in getting out of the cult.  Honestly, depending on what a person believes, it could have been almost anything; but looking back, I do not believe God was necessarily involved on either side of this story ... at least, I cannot prove it was God, or the Devil, or anything else.

 

One could as easily argue that if God cared so much about us as His adopted Children through His most beloved Son, Jesus, that he would either have done more to help prevent us from joining JWs because they are a cult;  Or if the JWs had the “Truth”, God would do more to help us remain.  I am just not in a position to make a certain claim about God, but have to trust that if He was indeed involved as I would like to believe, that He was exposing the Wolves by removing the Sheep’s clothing.  Given this, the evidence suggests that many more “Wolves” coming out of the woodwork and shedding their Sheep-like appearance shows that something unusual – perhaps "paranormal" was taking place.

 

Being a student of human behavior, I also think that the Elder A incident, as an opening salvo, was a coincidence.  Rather, it was my response to him that triggered in the Elders the feeling that I was not completely with the cult-mind-control program.

 

Still, more was to follow:  It was not as though this was an isolated event with Elder A.  No, this was truly only the beginning ... and the next “run in” was just around the corner with my ”Last Public Talk – The Memorial Saga”.  Part 6 will be about twice as long as this post, but there are so many interesting aspects that I cannot shorten it anymore.  To be continued ...