Part 6: “Last Public Talk – The Memorial Saga”

 

by Jay Walter

 

[Note: Now things really get interesting. This is a longer chapter, but it needs to be said because the events get more and more bizarre! – right up to the end.]

 

Except for the Elder A incident, all was going well with my family between January and the first part March 1992.  By this time I not only was having productive family studies into the issues of Watchtower teachings, but I was having one-on-one discussions with my wife and each child.  They were beginning to open up more, feeling safe to express their own concerns.  I did not jump on it when they disagreed with the Society so as to rush them into any decision, rather, I just listened and asked questions.  This at least helped foster an environment where they felt safer and safer to express themselves – more importantly to think for themselves.  It was difficult at times, because I was getting anxious, but I had to stay the course, and let them have time – precious time.

 

My son-in-law returned from Bethel and pursued his engagement to my daughter.  We drove to California so he could meet his future Grand-Parents-in-law (if that is what you call it.)  On the return 700-mile drive, I opened up with concerns as he drove.  Ironically, and unknown to me, he had his own concerns with the Society that he had buried, and the opening gave him the freedom to unload.  He shared things about Bethel life that made my hair stand on end – and was at times hard to believe.  Subsequent discussions with other former Bethelites has not only confirmed his comments, but added salt to the wound.

 

I was feeling safe, at least some sense of security that maybe even my future son-in-law would come out of the JWs too.  I was not yet sure when I would resign, or even how I would go about it, but that thought was still ahead of me.  I was happy just experiencing the moments of each day and week that passed with steps of progress becoming more and more noticeable.

 

”Hello, Brother Jay, we need to talk about the Memorial” – A call from Elder A:  Elder A continued on, ‘Since I am the School Overseer, and more experienced, it has been decided that I will given the Memorial talk, and I need your assistance since you are of the Anointed.”  “Oh, really,” I said, “How can I help you?”  Elder A then requested the latest copy of the “Memorial Outline”, so I agreed to get it to him right away.

 

Normally, because I was of the Anointed and a “Qualified” speaker, the Society directs that I should give the talk.  While Elder A was way out of line on this, I did not mind, since I was planning to leave the religion anyway.  The truth is, there was no determination about who would give the Memorial talk, but Elder A took it upon himself to let it be known that he talked to me, and it was decided.  As for “experience”, I had been a JW about ten years longer than Elder A, and had served as an Elder longer.  I was in no mood to get into another debate with him, so I let it ride.  About a week elapsed, then ...

 

Knock at the Door – It was Elder A:  “Hi Brother Jay, we need to visit and talk again about the Memorial.”  Okay, that was fine by me.  I was assuming that he was going to go over the arrangements, and tell me what he expected of me ... figuring he might have me schedule the Servers of the Emblems, etc.

 

“Brother Jay, the PO got a call from the Circuit Overseer, and he asked who was giving the Memorial Talk in our Hall. When he found out that I was scheduled to do it, he asked why you were not assigned.”  I wanted to say that I was not assigned because “you” Elder A are an arrogant idiot and took over against Society instructions.  But, I could not blow my cover ... and asked him to continue.

 

“The PO told the CO that I was giving the talk because I am the Theocratic Ministry School Overseer.  The Circuit Overseer asked if you were a “Qualified” speaker, and the PO said very qualified.  The Circuit Overseer told the PO that at the top of the Memorial Outline (or included in instructions when these outlines are mailed out each year to the PO) the Society instructs that where available, an Elder (preferably of the Anointed) shall give the talk.”  He went on to say, “I missed that little line in the Outline.”  Okay, I doubt he missed that little line, knowing him as I did, but I really didn’t care.  So I asked what else happened.  He said that the CO directed that I now give the Memorial Talk. Yikes!!!

 

Elder A said that he could tell by my face that I was happy to hear the Good News, and he was relieved to hand the Outline back to me.  He then stated that he would be handling all the other arrangements.  I said fine, and did not pursue anything with him ... I figured that I would just get it over with ... and since I had already begun to gradually eliminate myself from the Public Talk circuit, one more Talk was not going to kill me.

 

The Sage gets even worse:  The following Sunday, the PO approaches me and basically reiterated everything that Elder A stated.  I confirmed that Elder A talked with me already.  Then the PO asked me to handle all the arrangements since that is normally the job of the Memorial speaker.  I countered that Elder A already said he would take care of the arrangements.  The PO got upset, and complained that Elder A does this kind of thing all the time and he was getting sick of it.  He again told me that he wanted me to take care of the arrangements, and he would speak to Elder A.  I agreed, and then ...

 

I stick my FOOT in my mouth:  Oh God, why do we do such things to ourselves?  I stopped the PO and said that I wanted to make one little tiny adjustment in the Serving procedure.  I noted that last year the Speaker was served after everyone else, and seated in a special place and the Servers all converged on him ... it looked like a spectacle.  I wanted to simply do what I had done as Speaker in earlier years, and just take the Emblems, and then pass them on to the Servers.  Simple request ... seemed like no problem.  The PO said fine ... “you are the Speaker and have charge of the arrangements, so do what you feel is best.”  Great ... that was easy.

 

BUT NO ... The PO talks to Elder A and tells him I will handle all the arrangements.  For some reason unknown to me, the PO mentions my teeny-tiny little adjustment to the Serving procedure ... and Elder A does not like it.  So, Elder A says that I am not following the Society instructions, and calls for an Elders meeting immediately after the Watchtower study.  Just a side note:  You know, I look back on this now, nearly ten years later, and it still seems so silly as it did then.  Why do JW Elders like this have to make a fuss over such small things?  I have never fully figured it out.

 

The Elders Meeting:  We all take our seats in the “Back Room” and engaged in small talk.  Then the PO opens with prayer.  He brings everyone up to speed on the Memorial, and then asks Elder A to state his “Concern”. (Concern? What about false prophecy and child molesters? ... Oh no, instead, they worry about which way the Emblems are served ... like the Catholic Church, when just after Vatican II they debated which way the Altar would face.)  Elder A said that Organizational instructions from the Faithful Slave directs that the Speaker will be Served last, and must step off of the platform to be seated while the Servers pass him the Emblems.

 

The PO now ask me to state what my suggested change is, and why I want to deviate from what Elder A stated.  I said that in past years at different congregations we have done it differently, but, when I or another Anointed Elder, gave the Talk, we just took the Emblems after the Prayer, and then handed them to the Servers.  It is convenient, and to me, having the Speaker leave the Platform be seated in a Special chair seems rather ritualistic like the Catholic Church.  Then, I stuck my FOOT further in my mouth, and said that absent any clear written material from the Society, it seems that it is up to us how we handle such minor things.  You could hear the lead balloon hit the floor.

 

Elder A then states that we are living deep in the Last Days – and our Loyalty to Jehovah and His Organization is Vital:  We all listen as he continues ... Furthermore, he says, our Loyalty is measured on how closely we follow Organizational Instructions – and our very lives could depend on how closely we adhere to the directions from the Faithful Slave.  What? ... Say that Again?  Our lives are dependent on how we serve the Emblems?

 

The PO asks the other Elders if they have any thoughts, to which they really did not.  One of them said that he did not care if I stood on my head while partaking as long as I feel comfortable with that.  Another Elder suggested calling the Society, and finally another said that he would do some research.  Could this really happen? Well, it did.

 

The PO then asks me again if I have any thoughts, to which I decided to try and for a brief moment act like a real JW.  I said that the Society does not like us calling except in serious cases, and this seems rather minor, something that we should be able to decide ourselves as a Body.  Second, even if some “research” produces some instructions somewhere, it is likely only a suggestion.  And The Society means what is says, and if they meant more than a suggestion, they would send out a special BOE (Body of Elders) letter and give explicit instructions.  And I find it hard to imagine that our lives are going to be based on whether we take any such “Suggestion” as the Gospel of Jehovah ... for we are also exhorted to follow our “Bible trained consciences” and make decisions as mature men.  (The term “Bible Trained Conscience” had all but been dropped from JW vocabulary after the mid-1980s and the earlier resignation of Ray Franz from the GB.  I brought it up because I thought that the phrase would possibly produce some positive results.)  I was wrong again.

 

Elder A now injects by interrupting me ... “Then, since you feel that God’s Word is now involved, just where in the Scriptures do you think anything is said about how the Emblems are served?  Does Jehovah instruct us through Jesus on this?  Or does he now direct us through His Organization?”

 

How do you answer a man who thinks like this?  Well, I gave it my best shot.  I stated that at the first Lord’s Evening Meal, the Last Supper, Jesus prayed and blessed the Bread, broke it, and then passed it around the table.  No one Served Jesus, did they?  Jesus did not get up from the table and go sit somewhere while two of the Apostles now Served Him, did they?  He repeated this same step with the wine.  If we are to really follow Organizational instructions, then we should all be seated at Tables, have an unleavened loaf, break it after prayer, and pass it around to all seated.

 

Elder C speaks up:  So, Brother Jay, are you now saying that you are Jesus Christ?  Do you feel that you must be the one to interpret the Bible and issue forth Organizational instructions? – Are you the reader now getting the picture of what is happening?  I am still puzzled to this day.  But, this will not be the only time that Elder C will use this level of logic.  I will bring it up again in a future part of this series.

 

Before I could respond, the PO speaks up:  Look Brothers, I think we are getting off track here.  Brother Jay is of the Anointed, he had been assigned by the Circuit Overseer, and the Society through the Memorial Outline, to give the Talk and make the arrangements.  He is part of the Faithful and Discreet Slave.  He has many years in the Truth, and is an excellent Speaker.  The Memorial is really an occasion for the Anointed, and I think we should do what he asks while he is still with us on earth.  We won’t have the opportunity to again work shoulder to shoulder with the Anointed.  As for Organizational instructions, maybe Jehovah is also testing us to see how we treat Jesus Brothers right in our midst.

 

Everything went silent. ... The PO and I got along well.  Unfortunately this would not last, but rather become very ugly as our relationship soured.  At least I have to give him credit for trying to reduce the inane level to which this meeting had reached.  One of the Elders finally said that the PO made sense, and he agreed with me that this was straining over gnats, and that he was agreeable to let it go.  No one else said anything, so the PO called for a vote.  It was unanimous, all 6 of us voted to proceed with my request.  I would take the Emblems myself after prayer, and hand the Emblems to the Servers.  I would also make all the arrangements.  The Tribe had Spoken ... it was agreed on by all ... or so I thought ...

 

A few days later, Elder A calls me:  “Brother Jay, I have some interesting News!”  Elder C did some research and discovered last years KM.  Oh, that must have been difficult, I thought sarcastically.  He went on to say that the KM gives explicit instructions on how the Emblems MUST be Served, and that Sunday we will have another Elder’s meeting to discuss the matter.  Yes, these men really devoted this much energy to making sure that I was proven wrong – or better stated that they were right, and that they were following Jehovah’s Organization to save their lives at Armageddon.  They were unable to abide by the earlier Elders meeting and unanimous vote.

 

Sunday we held our Elders meeting again after the Watchtower Study, and all 6 of us are present.  Elder A comes in and sits down right next to me ... and spreads his legs so that his knees push mine to the side, and then he spreads his elbows and punches my ribs slightly.  He whispers in my ear that he is pleased to see me, and that he finds it a “Privilege” to serve along side of me.  Okay, I thought, but please don’t get physical.

 

The PO opens with prayer again, and than asked Elder A to state why he called for the meeting.  Ahhhh ... this was new to me, I didn’t realize that he was calling for the meeting.  But that did not matter.  He said that Jehovah responded to their prayers and revealed Organizational instructions.  At this point, he called on Elder C to read from the KM.  Do you see any more sheep’s clothing dropping off with this ordeal?  I sensed that this was starting to feel like we were really the Sanhedrin of Pharisees.  Except that I did not want to be a member of this exclusive club anymore.

 

After the Reading of the Sacred KM:  The PO asked me for my thoughts.  I asked to see the KM, and then noted that Elder C had eliminated the word “suggested” from the context.  This is only a “suggestion” and that means we can follow it, or do something a little different.  It is not as though we are starting a new religion here ... we are just Serving Emblems.  [Note:  While I recall reading this as I state here, I have not been able to find the KM to cite or quote.  The word ‘suggested’ was found in a KM regarding this, but was contextually connected more to how invitations are accomplished.  At the time, it is possible I took the word ‘suggested’ to be applicable to the entire topic.]

 

Elder G then speaks about me and says that he feels Brother Jay is making light of the most serious celebration of Jehovah’s people on earth today, and that these are not ‘Just Serving Emblems.  (I said to myself, please God, let me die.)  The PO looked at me, and for the brief moment we stared at one another, his eyes told me that he was embarrassed at the mentality of what the other Elders were saying.  Then, the PO speaks up to Elder G that his comment was not fair to me, and that if I did not appreciate the importance I would not even be here.  Elder G gave an indirect apology then asked Elder C why he omitted the word “suggested” during his reading of the KM.  Elder C said he skipped over several words to read the “gist” and it was just an oversight.  Truthfully, he read every word but “suggested.”  [Again, as noted above, it was the fact that he eliminated this word that alerted me to the idea he was trying to change the intent.]

 

Elder A then said that even a “suggestion” from the Faithful Slave should be followed unless we have serious reasons to do other wise.  Elder G reiterated his request to call the Society.  The PO agreed.  But it never took place.  The PO said that we had really discussed this enough and asked if we wanted to live with our previous unanimous vote or call for another vote.  He then stated that he was abstaining so as not to influence the outcome.  That seemed like and odd shift for him to make.  The vote, 4 to 1 in favor of following the KM.  I was the “1” vote.  It was over, and I decided that I would not try to pull out the KM that said we must treat “suggestions” as just that.  I figured that this would smack of a political battle, and I wanted none of that.  I just wanted out.

 

At the close of the meeting, the PO leaves suddenly – Elder A approaches me:  Brother Jay, I will be handling the arrangements, and you just take care of the Talk.  I said that the PO had assigned me, so I did not understand.  Elder A said that he knew what the PO did, but that he felt since I cannot understand simple directions from the Society, that he needed to take control and make sure things are done as Jehovah’s Organization directs.  WOW! I said very well, and picked up my briefcase, and headed for the door.

 

Elder A and C quickly catch up to me, and Elder A says,  “Brother Jay, I just want to say one thing.”  Okay. “ Don’t you feel better now that we did things Jehovah’s way and worked this out in harmony with his Organization?  Isn’t this such a privilege?” – I could not believe what he was saying.  Was he gloating or was he truly serious that he believes that this is Jehovah’s way?  I could not take it anymore.  In anger, I opened my mouth.  What follows, I have little doubt that it stuck in Elder A’s mind as the parting view he would take of me as I left the religion ... but, I had to vent.

 

“Elder A, I am NOT happy.  What you and your sidekick, Elder C pulled off was the most classic example of small-minded-ness, and you did nothing but prove that you are just a legalistic Pharisee.  Fine, you take care of the arrangements, and I will do the Talk and we will just let it drop.  The decision has been made, and I frankly don’t care anymore.” – Needless to say he was stunned.  Elder C leaned over to hear my comments to Elder A.  They both walked away with nothing more to say.  However, this was not to be the last battle with Elder A.

 

With only a few days left, I was at home preparing for the Talk:  An MS friend came over to visit with me.  He and his wife had recently become Regular Pioneers.  We hit it off well, and we found ourselves forming a nice relationship with them, playing cards, and having fun together.  While he was still at my house, Elder A calls:  “Brother Jay, I talked with the PO and he has agreed that I should handle the arrangements.”  Fine with me.  I thought he was going to anyway.  I was brief with him and ended the phone call, but not before saying that he is welcome to strain out the Gnats, and I will deal with the meat of the word.  Was I getting arrogant?  I suppose.

 

After the call, the MS asked me if that was Elder A on the phone.  I asked how he knew that?  He said that everyone knows that Elder A is an ass.  And he expressed sentiments that if Elder A does not straighten out soon, he will likely be removed as an Elder.  Normally, I would have milked him for more information on how he knows this and how come I have not been aware of how Elder A is generally viewed.  But, I just let it go.  The MS then volunteered that since I am still relatively new in this town, that it has taken time before Elder A focused in on me, but that many have had trouble with him, and wanted him removed.  I just smiled and nodded.  I did not want to get into this and open my mouth and Insert Foot.  I had done enough of that already.

 

Preparing for the Memorial Talk:  In preparing for the talk, I considered just taking the Emblems before the Servers could get them, and pull one off on Elders A and C.  But, I quickly talked myself out of that because I have little doubt I would face a JC formed at the insistence of Elders A and C.  No, I must give a nice Talk and then plan my next steps.  This, after all, is still their religion, and I at least need to show some civility and respect.  Nevertheless, a good idea did pop into my head, and I viewed this as safe and an effective way to deliver my Last Public Talk, the Memorial.

 

On April 17th, 1992 we assembled at the Kingdom Hall for the Memorial of Jesus’ death.  The Hall was packed as usual.  Except for the Table with a nice white linen cloth, the Emblems already set, and flowers on the Platform and around the Hall, it was pretty much like any average JW meeting.  The Brothers always look about the same, but the Sisters almost always dressed up special.

 

The Memorial begins and I am introduced.  I start off by delivering the talk as outlined by the Society.  One little “Loophole” exists in every Memorial Talk, at least it did up to 1992.  It was this little “loophole” that allowed me to take a different approach to this Last Public Talk, and make this my Home Run.  After the saga with the Elders over how the Emblems were served, I had decided that I would resign shortly after the Memorial.  So, this would have to be my best shot to do something right, even if it was different.

 

Almost every year since I was a JW, the Elder who gives the Memorial Talk always focused on “How Rare” it is to be called to be Anointed – DEEP in this time of the END, and that today, Jehovah would ONLY call those who were long time JWs, possibly even before 1935, and those who would be very active in His Service.  I never liked this type of delivery as it seem to focus attention on the few of the Great Crowd that the Society feared might start professing their heavenly hopes.  It always felt crass and harsh and detracted from what otherwise should be a simple and reflective commemoration of Jesus death, with some emphasis on those who would rule with him.  So, this year, my last, would be a focus on something else.

 

Loophole – When the Emblems are Served:  The Memorial Talk outline grants specific instruction to the Speaker to use the time during the Serving of the Emblems to make additional remarks as he sees fit.  Ahhh ... yes, what kind of additional remarks would I make as the Speaker, one of the Anointed who was about to resign and quietly walk away from Jehovah’s Witnesses?  One thing I learned from the earlier saga with Elders A and C is that I need to keep my mouth shut when it comes to what I plan to do.  Had I done this in the first place, the whole Serving the Emblem scenario would not have happened.  Armed with that experience, I kept very quiet about what I was going to say during the Serving of the Emblems ... and don’t think that Elder A didn’t try to find out.  But, this time, I was able to keep him in the dark.

 

Serving the Emblems:  As the first prayer was completed, the Servers came up, I handed them the Bread, but carefully did not partake until I was served in the “Special Seat” as Elder A insisted.  As the Emblems moved away from the Platform, I asked for everyone’s attention.  I noted that during the passing of the Emblems, the Society encourages that we consider some additional points that are relative to this Sacred occasion.

 

I then stated that the many millions of Jehovah’s Witnesses have hopes of living forever on a Paradise Earth, whereas only a few, about 8,600 or so, of the 144,000 who have heavenly hopes are alive on earth today.  Many of those of the Great Crowd often wonder just how those of the Anointed know they are such?  Often, the typical response is that Jehovah’s lets the Anointed know, and unless you have that calling, you cannot understand.  To this, some Anointed JWs will cite Romans 8 about the Spirit bearing witness with our Spirit that we are God’s children, and then the matter progresses no further, often with the exhortation that if Jehovah calls you, that you will know the calling of the Spirit.  What those of the Great Crowd really want to know is this:  What does God do to let you know?  How does the Spirit make it clear to the Anointed that they are called as adopted Children of God?  The answer is not only much simpler than you might expect, but it is also much easier to understand, and this may help some who feel that they might have that calling.

 

I gave an illustration of a child reading a letter from his parent verses another child of a different family reading the same letter from the first child’s parent.  One will identify with the letter writer as being his Father or Mother, while the other, though appreciating the letter, will not so identify.  But, that alone is not what really happens to those of the Anointed, because there is more.

 

You could have heard a Pin Drop:  My comments were actually longer so as to use up the time that the Bread was served.  I took my Special seat and Elder G served me, and I partook of the Bread.  Then I returned to the Platform, and continued with the scriptures regarding the Blood of Jesus and its symbol, the Wine.  After the prayer over the Wine, the Emblem was passed, and I continued.

 

I made brief mention of the Chapter in the “Life Everlasting in the Freedom of the Sons of God” book as that was the last time the Society published something substantive on this topic.  But prior to this, I stated, they published an even more detailed description that is the best I have ever read on the topic, making it clear how you know you have the Heavenly Calling.  And the Society has never revised or changed this last known official “Organizational” statement on this topic.

 

Again, the audience was very attentive and waiting for the final curtain on my extra remarks.  I looked out and saw that Elder A was fixated on me, almost like he might fear that I was going to say something Apostate.  But, because I stuck to the Society’s own literature, he had no choice but to listen.

 

I pulled out a copy of the 1952 Watchtower and begin reading the entire article.  It was short enough that I had time.  Even if the Wine arrived back early,  I could still finish.  I had a feeling that no one would mind an extra minute or two to hear the conclusion.  I read the article slowly, and stopped to comment a little, and emphasized certain words.  At the conclusion, I then stated this:

 

The Society tells us that “YOU yourself that makes the determination of your hope.”  If you relate to such hope, then it is YOU that decides this.  It is YOU that makes heaven YOUR calling.  And note, I read again from the article, the Society says that you SHOULD “feel free to partake” of the Emblems in all good conscience at the Memorial, and that ONLY YOU can determine YOUR hope, and NO ONE, NOT EVEN THE ELDERS are permitted to tell you otherwise.  I then read from Gal 5:10 regarding those who are in Union with Christ (that is: Anointed) that anyone who give you trouble in this matter will be judged by Jehovah!  Again, NO MATTER WHO he or she may be.  I then concluded the 1992 Memorial, and my last Public Talk.

 

NOTE: For a complete discussion of the 1952 Watchtower, you can click on the following post I made some months ago:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=7411&site=3#86972

 

The audience applauded very nicely as I walked off the platform.  I did not know what to expect by way of comments, and I no longer cared as I might have before.  Many came up to me to say how much they appreciated the explanation, one that they never understood until that night.  And, something I have never revealed before now, several stated that next year they may be joining in to Partake of the Emblems.  That I did not expect.  I then thought that this might be for some the best thing that could happen, to resolve their desire to be one of God’s Children.  Then, a selfish thought struck me that this might actually add to a thorn in the side of Elder A.

 

What was said was stated in good conscience at the time.  Today, I would do things differently.  In retrospect, while I thought it a kindness to clarify the secretive Anointing process, I also may have caused some to remain JWs longer.  That is something I will never really know.  It is hard to second these steps we take in life.

 

Elder A comments:  “Brother Jay, I enjoyed your talk.  I can’t help but wonder if you were really reading from the Watchtower.”  He noted that the Watchtower of all the Society’s journals is the “Backbone” of the Organization and its words are directed by Jehovah.  I asked him if he thought I would lie on the Platform, especially at the Memorial Talk.  He said no, but he can’t believe the Society ever said such things, and wanted to read it for himself.  I dared not loan him my copy, so I took him to the “Back Room” and pulled out the 1952 Watchtower, and placed it in his hands.  I watched him read.  His eyes seem to glaze over in disbelief.  He just said, “Very good, Brother Jay, very good indeed.”  It would not be over between me and Elder A, but for this moment at least, he was stumped because he could not get around something published by the Faithful Slave.

 

With that, I left the Kingdom Hall with my family.  Hoping that the worst was behind me was a mere fantasy, for I had no idea that the road ahead was fraught with Mr. Trouble getting ready for the next salvo.  Now, feeling happy-go-lucky, I was ready for the next step ... My Resignation into the Void ... To be continued ...